Abril 20, 2004

Inmigrañas de EEUU

Mucho se ha hablado de la inmigración, de la nostalgia, las consecuencias y demás tópicos que trae aparejados el tener que vivir fuera de fronteras. En Gentedemente nos preocupamos por tu bienestar (sonó cool viste) y te tiramos unos tips para que no quedes descentrado. Si estás viviendo en tierras del Tío Sam, es una lectura obligatoria. Si estás pensando emigrar a éstas latitudes, lee y andá llevando. Y si no estás pensando en emigrar, es que no sos Uruguayo o Batlle te tiró un hueso.

Guía práctica de 10 consejos para bancarse los EEUU y a los otros uruguayos.

1 - Nunca se te ocurra decir que te querés ir o que EEUU te tiene podrido. Es como querer borrarse de una logia masónica. Te van a tirar tantos argumentos para que te quedes que al final vas a llorar.

2 - Si te preguntan, ir de shopping o al supermercado, es lo más. Convendría que te supieras algunos precios y las diferencias en centavos entre la pasta de dientes en el Shop Rite con respecto al Keymart como para dar idea que la tenés clara.

3 - Ni bajo tortura confieses que no tienes cable o DVD. Carecer de celular ya sería el acabóse y te haría ver como una ameba. Ni se te ocurra.

4 - Si no tenés auto y no querés quedar fuera de la conversa, igual, hablá de los modelos, del tráfico, de los precios, etc.... Preguntale a los que tienen cuanto pagan por el seguro o cuando van a cambiar por el modelo del año y poné cara de estar interesado.

5 - No planifiques nada con nadie para después de las 8 de la noche
porque arriezgas al fracaso o al plantón. Del mismo modo y aunque planifiques temprano, no esperes puntualidad, imposible.

6 - Ni lo intentes con el MOMA, Howard Stern, Michael Moore o el Soho. Son temas que ni por asomo se comparan al "Vacilón de la mañana".

7 - Si te encontrás con alguien que se compró el Inglés sin barreras y se empeña en hablar en inglés, vos poné cara de que salame y decile "aiamnotespikininglis" con tono gauchesco . Es menos frustrante que corregirlo y le alimentás el ego.

8 - Mangar, pedir prestado, sugerir favores, solicitar ayuda, pedir que te lleven en el auto, abogar por la solidaridad, son actividades políticamente incorrectas.

9 - Los días de semana son para laburar. Los fines de semana, hay que hacer laundry, supermercado, ir al banco, limpiar la casa, llamar a Uruguay, pagar las cuentas, lavar el auto y no menos importante - comer como beduino y dormir la siesta - así que si vas a visitar a alguien tenélo en cuenta. Mejor llamá y que te agenden, viste.

10 - Y cuando te pinte el filósofo recordá que todo lo que había para decir de la inmigración ya lo dijo Jaime en los Olímpicos y lo demás son agregados. Incluídos los 9 puntos anteriores.

Leve os sea

Escrito por Fer en: Abril 20, 2004 06:43 PM | TrackBack
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